Happy Ending!

Hello, Blog world -

I don't know if anyone is looking at this blog anymore, but I wanted to add one last entry... we are finally parents! We switched to a domestic adoption program in late summer, waited on their wait list for only 4 weeks, and are now completing the adoption of our new daughter, born in November. We are thrilled and humbled and exhausted (in a good way!). I don't intend to keep updating this blog, or to post many details here in such a public space, but if anyone would like more information about our new agency or our process, I'd be happy to share. Leave me a comment with your email address or send me a message.

Best wishes to those of you still on your adoption journey....


(Our first family portrait!)

Difficult Decision

Hi all -

Well, it's been a month since I last posted, and it's been an eventful month for us.

After lots of thought, prayer, tears, and more prayer, we have decided not to move forward with our Kazakhstan adoption plans. We met with our agency on Friday to withdraw from the program.

This has been a tough decision for us.

Our paperwork has been at the Ministry of Education since October 1st of last year. We requested a child of either gender, under 18 months of age. This is a pretty typical request. But for some reason, our paperwork just has not progressed out of the MOE. Our agency has requested information about our dossier, and they are simply told "There's nothing wrong with the paperwork." That's the only info they've been able to get. Meanwhile, many families from our agency that are technically "behind us" in line have gone ahead of us. As I stressed in my previous post, we are ecstatic for those families who are traveling... but when this happens repeatedly, month after month, we're left with the impression that something's not quite right.

Also, because Russell is starting a new job in August (a teaching position), he has no opportunities for leave time until next summer. There's no paternal leave, and he doesn't qualify for FMLA. So even if we got an invitation to Kazakhstan, we'd have to decline it.

I have to stress that the staff at Children's Hope have been nothing but supportive, kind, diligent, and empathetic during this process. We have felt so blessed to be working with them and we'll miss them tremendously.

For those of you with CHI who are still waiting on a Kazakh adoption, you are in my thoughts. I used to obsessively read blogs written by those who were ahead of us in line, and when something wouldn't go right for them, I'd get really worried - both for those families and for us. Please, please, please... don't let our experience and our decision shake your confidence and your faith in your path to adoption. If your child is waiting in Kazakhstan, then nothing can stand in the way of your getting there!

All of you who are traveling or about to travel - I am thrilled beyond words for you and can't wait to follow along with your journey.

We haven't totally given up on our quest to be parents. We're not entirely sure what the next step is. We might do some more research on domestic adoption. For now, we're just going to spend some time enjoying each other's company and not worrying about the phone ringing (or not ringing) with adoption news.

Thanks so much to all of my new blog friends and to all my friends and family who've supported us...

Guess What We're Doing?

That's right, still waiting.

You know what, blog friends? I'll let you in on a little secret....

I'm really sick of waiting.

There. I've said it.

This weekend, Russ and I will be working on putting together our 3rd dossier in 3 years, since all of our Kaz stuff has now expired (except the FBI and the 171 form, thank goodness). We'll need to update our homestudy and re-do all the other documents (including notarizing, apostilling, etc.). Is there such a thing as a "Frequent Apostiller's Club" ??? Can we get a discount or something? We're probably single-handedly funding some state programs in Missouri and Illinois with all the apostille fees we've paid over the years....

You know, 2 weeks ago, I was SURE we were going to get a phone call that week. I got a funky, weird, excited feeling the weekend before... I just felt certain that the phone call was imminent. Heck, I then sat down to read a weekly Bible lesson that I subscribe to, and there were all kinds of passages about family and children. It was so cool! There was the verse from Psalms about how "God setteth the solitary in families." There was also the story of Moses' mother making what I now think of as an "adoption plan" for him when she realized it was no longer safe for her to keep him. She put him in an ark and placed him in the reeds by the river where she knew he'd be found. I took great comfort from all those ideas.

And the days passed that week, and there was no phone call. No news. No updates. :^(

So the question I had then was: what the heck WAS that feeling? It felt like inspiration... was it wishful thinking? Was I being delusional? I just felt so sure.... that has happened a few times during the past couple of years... I don't know what to make of those feelings anymore.

There are two things that are really challenging to us during this part of the wait. First is that we are way beyond the original estimation of when we'd travel. When we turned our paperwork in last spring, we were told we'd travel in 6-8 months. Once 8 months came and went (back in February), we started living week-to-week, anticipating imminent travel. That's a long time to be waiting on the edge of one's seat. We feel like we're floating around in some sort of limbo.

The second thing that's kind of tough to take is that there are folks from our agency whose dossier got to the MOE after ours who have travelled already. We've been "skipped" several times now. We're not waiting on a girl (I know that slows things down). We requested either gender, up to 18 months. But we keep getting skipped. I don't mean to sound jealous of those families...I'm thrilled for those families who are traveling to Kazakhstan to meet their children. But it makes it pretty tough for us to wait, week after week. Our agency has been so supportive and understanding through this time. They don't know why we've been skipped, either. We've been told there's nothing wrong with our dossier.

But I still believe that international adoption ain't for wimps and it requires optimism and courage, and that we're in this for the long haul.

Hope springs eternal...

Maybe the phone will ring this week...

New Kaz Books

Just a quick post for all you fans of Kazakhstan...

I ordered two books from Amazon that came in the mail today. One was "Apples are from Kazakhstan"... it's a just-published travelogue by Christopher Robbins... looks interesting.

The other is called "Kazakhstan" by Dagmar Schreiber. It's a travel guide with details about accomodations, etc... nowhere near as detailed as the Lonely Planet's Central Asia guide... BUT... it's got gorgeous photos (and tons of them!), plus excerpts from famous literary figures in Kaz history, plus info about treks you can take that are off the beaten track... it's really cool. And the writing is fun, too... here's an excerpt (the first two lines of the entry on "Karaganda"):

"A remarkable, spherical thorny plant named 'karaghanik' grows in the central steppe region of Kazakhstan. It comes to life in stormy weather and whirls over the plain like a horde of rabid hedgehogs. Karaganda owes its name to these plants."

I love this!

New Goats! New Goats! New Goats!

We bought more goats for the college today!!! We expanded the goat herd by three new babies today, putting them to work on controlling shrubs and invasive species next to our prairie plots on campus. The new ones are about 4 months old, Boer/Nubian crosses. Here are some pictures of the new babies:

A goat on the go (we brought them home from the farmer's place in a dog crate):

New kids in their new neighborhood, checking out all the cool stuff to eat:

They came from a farm with a short grass pasture and had been raised on goat chow... so all this green stuff was totally fascinating! They eventually gathered around a really big oak tree and nibbled on the bark.

One new baby was born with no horns... we're thinking of calling her "Baldy"... or "Nubby"

These are our two older goats, Mata (in foreground) and Buko (background), hanging out under their summer shelter (it was raining) and checking out the new additions. They weren't sure about them AT ALL.... There was a little head-butting at first. I'm sure they'll be working out the "pecking order" for a little while.

Here's everybody under the shelter, still checking each other out...

So cute!!!! Sometime in the last year or so, I have obviously developed a fondness for goats. I was a little wigged out by the thought of starting this project at first, but one of my students, who comes from a sheep ranching background in Montana, really helped talk me into it. And I'm glad we did it... they do an amazing job on the weeds and shrubs around our prairies! We're also fortunate enough to have student workers who can go feed and water them. But now I've got other folks in the region calling me for advice with how to start a weed control project with goats! Somewhere along the line, I seem to have become the local "Goat Woman" (which is bizarre, because I am a total novice at this and am still nervous about the idea of caring for livestock... I worry about them all the time (ask my student workers and our land manager, who oversees them... I'm constantly asking if the shelters okay, if they're getting enough to eat, etc, etc.)

You guys are awesome!

A big THANK YOU to all of you out there in blog-land who have posted hopeful and encouraging remarks on our blog in the last month or so... after I've posted two marginally cranky posts in a row, I owe you guys a lot for your uplifting comments. I especially appreciate all of you granting me "permission" gripe and moan a bit about how things are going (or NOT going, as seems to be the case here...)

So here are a few tidbits of good news:

First, CHI (our agency) opened a new region today! They're now working in the Karaganda region. Of course, the first thing I did upon hearing that news was jump on Google and check out who else has adopted from there. Sounds like a cool place. I'd be totally happy to be our agency's "guinea pig family" and be the first from CHI to travel there. Who knows? :^) Hopefully, opening another region will speed things up a little bit?

Second, the CHI families who are in country (or currently between trips) have apparently had smooth travels and smooth experiences (not many of them currently have public blogs). I'm so grateful for their good experiences!

I don't have any idea when our big exciting phone call will come in, and yes, the wait time has started to make me pretty cranky at times. But I came across an awesome quote from II Corinthians yesterday: "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair..." I was reading an essay that quoted this passage from Paul. The author of the essay described the apostle Paul as the biggest "cheerleader" for the early struggling Christians... and he sent this quote in a letter to the Christians in Corinth to encourage them during trying times. So I'm trying to live up to this quote... the frustration and sadness threatens me, but I'm going to choose not to be distressed... I'm perplexed by MANY, MANY things about the adoption, but I'm choosing not to be in despair.

I've been thinking about how blessed I've been - with many aspects of my life - but particularly recently - great husband, great job, great colleagues at my office. Last year, I led my last study abroad for a while, and I've been reviewing pictures and videos from that trip. So I thought I'd share a few pics from my last abroad to New Zealand in 2007 (my "farewell" to study abroads before taking on parenting.... but my abroads were really what taught me about parenting in the first place! I've had fabulous students on my trips!):

Here's me, right before hiking up a glacier (one of my favorite parts of the trip):

And here's my 2007 group up on the glacier:

A photo from part of the trail on the Milford Track, a 33 mile backpacking trip we do in southern New Zealand... a fabulous place... it gets nearly 21 FEET of rain there per year and last year, we had 2.5 sunny days out of 4. Amazing!
Students on a swing bridge during the trek:

Me and a student, contemplating the overlook called "12-second drop" (i.e. how long it would take for something you dropped to hit the valley below... it's a looooong way down!):

One of the very few sunny days at the top of the Milford Pass... that's my group of students, milling around on the lookout...

(Oh my gosh, can you imagine anything more beautiful????)

A kea, a mountain parrot, on the roof of our hut during the trek (and yes, he's turned his head completely upside down):

Below, the most amazing view imaginable: dolphins surfacing in front of your sea kayak on a gorgeous sunny day in New Zealand:

I miss New Zealand!

Still here...

Hello blog friends,

I am still here, still alive and kicking. Been avoiding the blog for a while... I'm really a pretty private person, and it's weird enough to be sending thoughts about my life out into the blogosphere...It's been a long couple of weeks here in Waiting-For-LOI-Land... and still no news... so during the past couple of weeks, I have been operating under the mantra, "If I don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I had an encouraging phone call from my social worker a couple of weeks ago. His suggestion (which is a great one) was "Live your life." Meaning, don't live on pins and needles, waiting for an imminent phone call. This is, of course, easier said than done (although my SW is an adoptive dad, and I'm sure he remembers the waiting time, too!).

So I'm trying to live my life, but there are some things that just end up being affected anyways.... I'm skipping my annual week-long field trip next week to the Smoky Mountains with my botany class because there's no cell reception at the campground where we stay, and I thought that a week was too long to be away from the phone. :^(

I've been teaching most of my classes as though I perhaps won't be here towards the end of the school term... getting student projects started early, etc. Thankfully, the schedule this term is pretty flexible.

So I'm TRYING to be patient, but I still feel like I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for something HUGE to hit me. The question is, how long can you sit on the edge of your seat before your butt falls asleep and you start squirming around impatiently? How long before you hop up and start pacing around the room? How long before you start jumping up and down and yelling randomly? :^) I think that all of us waiting parents-to-be ought to have some kind of stress-reliever get-together, where we can ping off the walls and scream and laugh until we cry about what a bizarre process international adoption really is....

'Til next time...